I came across with this conversation about a married guy telling the counsellor how he does not love his wife anymore and the wife doesn't love him either. They just don't have the feelings for each other which they used to have. They have 3 kids and he doesn't know how to deal with it..
The counsellor answered: " Love her.."
The man said:" You don't understand.. I told you, the love just isn't there anymore.."
Counsellor replied: "Then love her, If the feeling isn't there, that's a good reason to love her"
" But how do you love when you don't love?"
"My friends, love is a verb. Love ~the feeling~ is a fruit of love , the verb. So love her. Serve her. Listen to her. Understand her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?"
I have always been aware of how important love is to me. It is somthing deep down I somehow know I cannot live without. Coming from a blessed background with loving family and friends, I have always believed that love conquers all.. Whenever there is negative emotion such as anger or jealousy, I tell myself this " Let love be the strongest emotion.." It has been a value I live upon...
But as I grow up, especially after some relationships that didn't work out. I questioned myself. I wonder what hold 2 people together for a life time. Is that the feeling of love? But my experience told me, no matter how charming love can be.. Feeling does come and it does go... Love becomes something I know I cann't afford to lose, yet it is also something that I feel very insecure about..
And today I understand why. It is because of my interpretation of love.. For the first half our lives, we tend to be recepients in this world.. We are taken care by older people, we are taught by teachers, we are fed and loved by family. We receive love.. So love is an emotion, a feeling, a noun.. Love is what you feel. and it makes you feel good..
but for the 2nd half of our lives, perhaps love should be a verb.. To love is to understand, to take action, to care, to give, to protect...
I have been holding on to the feeling too much.. afraiding to lose it as I grow older.. Only today I understand what I should focus is actually the verb part; the part which is actually under my control..
I am not sure if it make sense to you guys.. but It has changed my entire view of this question that has been puzzled me for very long.. Love is not something you hold on, It is something you act on..
Love is a verb :)
